Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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