I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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