there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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