i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
