Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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