I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
