I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
