I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
