I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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