I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
