just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
