Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
