my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I won the penis lottery.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
