All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
