I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Less talking, more tequila
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
