Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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