what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
