lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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