Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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