he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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