Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize