just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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