i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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