There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
