I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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