Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
