It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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