You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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