Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
