theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
