my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just tell him i said nine months
I just threw up on my dentist
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize