i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i barfeds in our rink
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
