We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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