we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
