you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
