just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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