nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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