Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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