it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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