He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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