you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
