Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
