i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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