Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
