Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
