Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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