I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
