i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
