Your face is a jimmy john
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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