I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
