Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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