Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
