was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
