dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
