grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
