after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
