Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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