I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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