I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
