Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
