True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
