I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
