Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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