she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
